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It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
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A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
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The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
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The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
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To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
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> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
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How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
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The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
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There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
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Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
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There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
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Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
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In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
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I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
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I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
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Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
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And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
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I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
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Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
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The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
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A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
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Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
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The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
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Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
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Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
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I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
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There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
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Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
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The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
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A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
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Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
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Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
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I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
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Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
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I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
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The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
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When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
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Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
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We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
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There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
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Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
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